How to build trust through high-quality conversations
High-quality conversations are at the heart of strong business relationships. Whether you're leading a team, negotiating deals, or engaging with clients, the ability to listen and communicate effectively can set you apart. Such conversations foster trust and empathy and unlock greater understanding, collaboration, innovation, and problem-solving. Sometimes, the value of the conversation might not be tied to a specific goal—it can just be about providing a space for connection.
What defines a high-quality conversation? It’s when both parties seek to better understand the other person and their point of view, making it an honest, empathetic, meaningful dialogue. Trust is built, and everyone feels genuinely heard. They don’t happen by chance, though - they are intentional conversations underpinned by three core skills: active listening, effective questions, and the ability to put aside assumptions.
Active Listening
The best definition of active listening I have ever heard is to “listen to understand rather than reply” (Stephen Covey). When we engage in conversation, we often have a clear idea of how we want to present ourselves—perhaps as kind, credible, or in control. However, this can lead to a focus on our response to the person’s words rather than on the words themselves and what they tell us about that person.
A lot of teaching on active listening states that we should be letting the other person know that we are listening - making eye contact and maybe the odd noise in agreement or empathy. Real active listening goes much deeper than this. It involves listening to what is not said as much as what is said, perhaps by listening for emotions that may be coming through in someone’s tone of voice or facial expression.
Effective questions
Effective questions help gain greater understanding and awareness. They prompt new thinking. If the other person’s needs are the focus of the conversation, you will need to put aside your own wants to ensure the questions will help them. Sometimes, the conversation may be about helping you solve a mutual problem, so the questions should help you both move forward.
Questioning and listening skills go hand in hand - when we ask a question, we then actively listen to the response, and then we demonstrate that we have listened by the next question that we use. Questions that tend to help exploration are termed “open questions” - those that can’t be answered by a “yes” or “no” or very short answer. These questions begin with “who”, “where”, “how”, “when”, “what”, and “why”, though use “why” carefully as it can come across as accusatory.
Of course, remaining in open-question mode can mean the conversation doesn’t go anywhere! So, using a question funnelling technique (but not too early!) can be effective in coming to a resolution.
Putting aside assumptions
A final key skill in having high-quality conversations is to put aside assumptions and biases. This involves not making quick judgments about the other person and what they say. We all have perceptions from what we hear and observe about others - about their ability, motivation or confidence levels. We treat this information as fact when it may not be the case. These judgements may cloud our view of the situation, leading to questions with our assumptions “baked in” - a process described in the “ladder of inference” model.
It’s human nature to make assumptions, so we can’t really stop ourselves from doing it, but we can notice it happening and do something about it. Be aware of the thoughts going on in your head as you listen and ask yourself, “Is this an assumption, or is it a fact?” If it is an assumption, then “park it” and listen without the assumption playing in your mind. If unsure, you can ask a sensitively worded question, emphasising that this is your take on the situation rather than fact.
Assumptions and judgements often arise from the emotions a conversation evokes in us. Therefore, active listening helps, as we can obtain far more high-quality evidence to determine whether something is a fact or a judgment.
In today’s fast-paced business world, meaningful dialogue through high-quality conversations is often overshadowed by superficial exchanges. High-quality conversations take a lot of effort, so they’re not required for every discussion - transactional chats still have their place. However, intentionally using these three skills when required will lead to more meaningful connections and help get the outcomes both parties desire.
If you want to try out some exercises to help you build skills for having high-quality conversations, check out my guide. If you want to find out how a coaching programme with me can help you build more trusted relationships at work, get in touch. I’d love to hear from you!